welcome to elaney!

“The other day my co-workers were joking about banishing the 1% to an island.  I was like, uh, can I go there to find a husband?”  - Reader Melby

Reader Melby via gchat:  Sometimes my piperlime emails will talk about sales at Old Navy.  And I don’t get it.  Because who has ever gone to Old Navy, seen something and said, “I’ll get it when it goes on sale?”

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas.  There is just one thing I need…”

The holidays can be a lonely time.  And let’s face it, some single women probably get Christmas cards and start to think about the things in their lives they don’t have.  But not our Reader Melby.  Nope, Reader Melby doesn’t get cards of weddings and babies and lab puppies and feel sorry for herself.  Instead, she thinks about the best thing that happened to her in 2011, and she shares that with the world.**  That’s right Melissa.  You may not have a relationship, but you are never alone when you have a bad a pair of Tory Burch boots.*

And now we have major boot envy!!  These tall, dark, and handsome boots are basically the embodiment (embootiment?) of our dream man!  Dear Santa, will you please bring elaney a pair so we can stomp around Atlanta with Reader Melby??

*Reader Melby (who arguably gets called out on elaney more than anyone else) graciously gave us permission to write this post with the caveat that we must explain that the Christmas card is a complete joke only to be shared with a few of her close girl friends (and now the Internet).  

**The runner up idea for her Christmas card was a picture of her with a man with his face cutout and the words “Your face here in 2012.”  (Sorry Melby.  We had to.)

Somewhere in the world Reader Melby is listening to this song on repeat.

*Alt Title: Songs we would’ve had a heyday with in high school.

Maybe it’s that it’s the summer.  Maybe it’s that we’ve been listening to Barenaked Ladies lately and nostalgic for high school (yet when are we not nostalgic for high school?).  Maybe it’s that it’s almost time for one of our favorite days of the year…new planner purchase day!  Or maybe we’ve just been in a good mood.  But lately…we’ve missed elaney.

If we were still blogging, we’d be writing about how Ashley Hebert is an embarrassment to all single women (and the phrase “dot, dot, dot” makes us want to gouge our eyeballs out and note that punctuation talk does not sexy talk yield).  We’d write about best Chick Lit for summer!  We’d write about where we are dining during our summer travels.  We’d write about how Pippa Middleton is the biggest bad a of the past decade.  (We would not be writing about Casey Anthony).  And we would of course be quoting some of our favorite elaney regulars…

Reader Melby:  ”I really miss elaney.  It’s like when things get hard in my life, I need elaney to guide me.”

Reader g-love (on a distaste for too many ways to communicate):  ”I just can’t do it anymore.  Now, every time I get on gchat, I just feel dirty.”

elaney:  ”We were talking about The xx…”
emum:  ”The who?”
elaney:  ”The xx.”
emum:  ”I don’t know who they are.”
elaney:  ”Shocker mom, here I thought you were so into Indie Rock.  Just listen to the story.”
emum:  ”Indie rock.  Now is that like Kid Rock?”

But we haven’t.  But it doesn’t mean we haven’t thought of you.  Summer has been great (feel like Melissa Carter leaving The Bert Show), but maybe…maybe one day…elaney will be back…

Yesterday, after taking the red eye back from Colorado, we arrived in ATL at 6 am only to realize that we were locked out of the car.  After calling a locksmith, and waiting an hour, we got into the car to realize that the keys were gone.  After being awake for 24 hours (and working for the past 8 days straight), we started crying and then got into a cab.  The rest of the day was a bit of an exhausted, crying blur that ended with Reader Melby driving us to the airport to meet the tow truck (7 pm – time awake count:  37 hours).  Four and 1/2 hours later, still waiting, (time awake count: 40 1/2 hours), we found ourselves sitting with Reader Melby eating salads and french fries from Houlihans and drinking some beers at the airport.

Yesterday was a complete disaster, and I’m not going to say I never said, “Are you there, God?  It’s me, elaney,” but eventually, I went to sleep so grateful that there is someone out there that will sit with me in an airport while I wait for a tow truck to take my car to get a $600 key made.  Key Takeways:  1) at the end of the day, it could always be worse.  2) Reader Melby is a good one to have in a pinch.

“I am really tired of working.  I just don’t feel like it’s the best use of my time.” - Reader Melby

“elaney, are you reading a library book?  That’s so Carrie Bradshaw of you.” - Reader Melby