welcome to elaney!

emum:  Now, what happened to him?!?
Carter Woolfolk:  Oh, he ran a half marathon yesterday.

Ahh football season in the South.  We don’t care if you’re so girlie you exercise in high heels, you can’t help but love a little SEC football.  However, we are only one weekend in, and we have already noticed a little something we’d like to warn against.  Ladies, in your best interest, it’s time to ask yourself, “am I being a football-lover pretender to attract men?”  Because while we get the strategy, as soon as you Down, Set, Hut you are as uncovered as Jerry Rice (we Googled famous wide receivers – sorry if that doesn’t make sense).  It is just not cool.  It’s way too obvious, and guys don’t care!  They just want you to not complain about how it’s hot and you wanna go home.  If you are a legit fan (and we assume none of you reading this blog are), more power to you, but if you are just feeling the urge to fabricate, just put on something cute and bring the Nugget Tray.

Reader Ace: “Who’s doing the Superbowl halftime show?  Is that Billy Joel?”

elaney:  “The Who sings Teenage Wasteland?!  I thought that was sung by a teenybopper.  You know, ‘her name is Noel…’”
Disgusted guy in a black t-shirt that looked like he knew a lot about music: “That’s Teenage Dirtbag.”

Male Reader: “elaney, who are you cheering for?”
elaney:  “Well, it was really a decision between Girls Next Door star Kendra Wilkinson (married to Colt’s player Hank Baskett) and Kim Kardashian (dates Reggie Bush).  I’m more of a Khloe fan, so I I decided to root for the Colts.
Male Reader (blank expression then pregnant pause): “Don’t ever tell another guy what you just told me.”

Reader Melby: “I want to buy bottles of Drew Brees tears.”