welcome to elaney!

In an effort to answer as many readers’ questions as we can, we’ll knock out a few quick ones—grab-bag style.  After this, I think we’ve got one more post later today.  So come on back for more under-informed bloviating from your favorite (or least favorite!) guest blogger!

Isa’s question first: What are the best date night restaurants in ATL?? All I like is Houston’s, and elaney wants me to branch out.

The following list betrays my partiality to the ever-hip Westside.  In order of least fancy to most: Taqueria del Sol (if you want everyone on the planet to see you on a date), Flip Burger/Yeah Burger (low-key, casual), Two Urban Licks (a little darker ambiance, great people-watching), Ecco (good wines), Wisteria (best food on this list).

For more reviews, allow me to point you to my favorite food blog.

Reader Melby queries:  if a guy is really into music, will you be immediately dropped if he finds your extensive taylor swift collection?

Not if he has a brain.

Reader B asks: why is it that the guy gets to make the decision about the second date? Everyone has small flaws. If a guy is looking for the perfect girl, he’s going to be disappointed. When is a guy being too critical?

Answer: guys are always too critical.  It’s a flaw, and only once guys realize and eradicate it do they become date-able.  Hopefully somewhere out there is a male version of elaney that’s telling guys to back off.

Reader Isa seeks marital advice, an area in which I claim no special expertise.  But we’ll give it a shot.  She writes: What is a good way to encourage a man to be romantic? I want my husband to realize that romance really is an important part of a relationship, but how do I do that without seeming like I’m NAGGING!!!??

My answer to you, Isa, is “initiate, initiate, initiate.”  Don’t waste your time asking him to be romantic.  Just be romantic yourself, and he’ll figure it out.  Wondering what he wants?  Usher said it best: “a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed.”

If that doesn’t work, pick up a copy of Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages.  Totally changed my life.

Good morning, elaney readers!  Today is the day.  Elaney has handed the reigns of her media empire to me, a ridiculously opinionated married man.  It’s unclear why she has chosen to bestow this honor on me, but I’ve happily accepted.

Our format today is simple: Q&A.  You Q, and I A.  Before we begin, however, a caveat: mine are just one man’s opinions.  If you think I’ve got it wrong, well… call me out in the comments.

And so, on to our first question:

What does it normally mean if you go on a first date and everything seems to go well enough and he doesn’t call?

This is a great, tough question.  I wish an easy answer existed, but it depends on the guy.  Maybe he got crushed at work, maybe he experienced a personal tragedy.  Perhaps he met somebody else last week.  Worse still: he might have talked to his friends about you and heard something he didn’t like.

You could worry—and probably have worried—yourself to death with these permutations.  But the scary truth is that you’ll never know… Which leads to the more important (and substantially more controversial) point: girls inadvertently reward a guy’s under-communication in this situation.

Personally, I believe it’s incumbent on the guy to provide an explanation for ending things if you’ve been on more than two dates.  BUT, and this is a very strong but, you aren’t allowed to get mad at him if he tells you a painful truth.

I’ve seen this too often: girl and guy go out.  All is well.  Guy decides he doesn’t like girl and tells her so.  She asks why, he says, “You make a weird clicking sound when you chew and it’s driving me crazy.”  Or, “I thought you were pretty, but it turns out that you’re annoying.”  Our ladyfriend gets hurt feelings, her friends hate him, and everyone in a five mile radius is forbidden from dating him.

If you were the guy in the this situation, and if you knew the scorched-earth outcome of your honesty, would you call her up and tell her why you’re ending it?  Absolutely not.  You’re not an idiot.  You know you’ll be punished for your honesty, so you keep silent.

I, however, think the girl and her friends should applaud this guy’s unkind candor, and under no circumstances should he be black-balled.  Why?  Because it took integrity for him to own his feelings and guts to communicate those feelings to the girl.

Consider the alternative scenario, where the guy remains silent: the girl and her friends don’t get mad because they’re hoping he’ll call tomorrow.  Perversely, the guy is rewarded for the very silence that gave rise to this reader’s question.  Our lonely lady and her friends should be irate at his cowardice.

Moral of the story: Guys owe it to girls to tell them why they’re not interested after two dates.  Girls owe it to themselves and to guys to stay calm and be grateful for his tough love.

Guys, is this about right?  Or am I too dry after years out of the dating pool?  Girls, what do you think about all this?  Have you fallen prey to the temptation described above?  As always, feel free to ask any follow-up questions in the comments; if you’ve got unrelated questions you want answered, put ‘em in the comments, too!

“No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize.”  – Julia Child

As a rule, we think women apologize too much.  You reach for the door the same time as someone else, and the first thing that comes out of your mouth is “Oh, I’m sorry!”  But really, you aren’t “sorry.”  Forget whether or not you’re apologetic, “sorry” means you’re no good, lazy, and amounting to nothing.  And you are a perfectly nice human being. Don’t call yourself sorry.  Plus, ESPECIALLY in the workplace (not necessarily friendships and family relationships), sometimes it’s better to just keep your chin up and move forward.  Other people are NOT analyzing all the things you’ve done wrong as much as you are.  So the next time you cook something that takes like charcoal (literally or figuratively), smile and be gracious.  And maybe no one will notice.

Posted by elaney intern: Reader Ace

The month of May has me thinking about high school graduation. I wonder, if I could go back (aka Henry DeTamble in Time Traveler’s Wife) what advice would I give my teenage self as I set off for college. Here are a few things I came up with, let me know what advice you would give yourself.

College Ace: Do not drink anything red out of a cooler or bathtub.

Avoid guys who were really popular in high school.

Being hungover or wasted is not something to brag about. If you hear a guy doing it, he is lame. If you find yourself doing it, you have become lame.

Most people at your university will not care if you are in a sorority. Try and meet them – they are probably cooler than you. 

It’s baaack!  After Reader notonthephone’s question about dating in the digital world created such an interesting conversation, we’ve decided to turn one of our favorite days around here, ask elaney day, (part 1 and part 2) into ask elaney: dating version.  So come on readers fire away!  Feel free to post annoynously, and we will give you our unbiased dating opinion and advice!

You asked, here we go: 

how about “solving the text message/email centered relationship conundrum?” what is with technology obsessed boys that hide behind their blackberries and dont take girls on real dates or make actual phone calls anymore? is this okay?

It’s NYR crunch time.  Gone are the bells and whistles.  Here is the chilly January weather and the tumbleweed rolling by.  Can you keep your resolutions when the going gets tough?  

We have a suggestion for you.  Our mantra for 2009 is “Streamline in ’09,” and it applies to all aspects of life.  Professional, personal, hobbies, interests, health, wellness.  Anytime you are making a choice, you ask yourself, “does this make my life more simple or more complicated?”  If it’s the later, it’s gone.