We’ve all got them. Our favorite of all time continues to be, “I hate my horse” (pulled from the original twitter feed. If anyone knows who said this, please introduce us.) Although, ”We don’t have a BOB at our beach house” was recently overheard and not too bad.
We at elaney have a huge whitegirlproblem, and it is that this season of The Bachelorette is horrible. HOW? How is it possible? We’ve watched this show since we didn’t understand it with Aaron Burge, since Bob Guiney was kind of gross and weird, since Trista Sutter had a wedding ceremony with pink sand, since Jake told Vienna “As a matter of fact, I flew last weekend.” We teetered with excitement when Michelle Money woke up with the random black eye. Brad and Emily even made us believe in love again (for the night. It actually made us briefly create a match.com profile). We can handle sappy. We can handle overuse of words like “here for the right reasons.” We can handle the absurd. But one thing we cannot handle is boring. And Ashley Hebert is boring, boring, boring.
Really, we feel bad for her. It doesn’t really seem like any of the guys are that into her, and plus she wore a midriff on a date last week. But we can’t put our finger on it. Let’s hear it ladies…why is this season so bad??
Anyone who has read elaney for long enough knows that our two favorite pop songs are indisputably “Remix to Ignition” and “Perfect Gentlemen” (Yes, we can rap the stripper’s part in “Perfect Gentleman.” Yes, it did happen after OysterFest on stage at Flip Flops. Sorry emum). But Reader Kenny just sent us a Remix to a Remix to Ignition! This is more fun than Anya Marina’s “Whatever You Like.” This is like hearing Friday for the first time all over again!!
Maybe it’s that it’s the summer. Maybe it’s that we’ve been listening to Barenaked Ladies lately and nostalgic for high school (yet when are we not nostalgic for high school?). Maybe it’s that it’s almost time for one of our favorite days of the year…new planner purchase day! Or maybe we’ve just been in a good mood. But lately…we’ve missed elaney.
If we were still blogging, we’d be writing about how Ashley Hebert is an embarrassment to all single women (and the phrase “dot, dot, dot” makes us want to gouge our eyeballs out and note that punctuation talk does not sexy talk yield). We’d write about best Chick Lit for summer! We’d write about where we are dining during our summer travels. We’d write about how Pippa Middleton is the biggest bad a of the past decade. (We would not be writing about Casey Anthony). And we would of course be quoting some of our favorite elaney regulars…
Reader Melby: ”I really miss elaney. It’s like when things get hard in my life, I need elaney to guide me.”
Reader g-love (on a distaste for too many ways to communicate): ”I just can’t do it anymore. Now, every time I get on gchat, I just feel dirty.”
elaney: ”We were talking about The xx…” emum: ”The who?” elaney: ”The xx.” emum: ”I don’t know who they are.” elaney: ”Shocker mom, here I thought you were so into Indie Rock. Just listen to the story.” emum: ”Indie rock. Now is that like Kid Rock?”
But we haven’t. But it doesn’t mean we haven’t thought of you. Summer has been great (feel like Melissa Carter leaving The Bert Show), but maybe…maybe one day…elaney will be back…